Okay, there’s one thing you should understand about the mom biped. She’s a little freakishly in love with my assorted body parts. A couple hours after the worldwide eclipse came to a close, she posted on social media about how much she loved my ears.
I don’t know if I feel appalled or complimented. I often have schizophrenic emotions about the biped’s attachment to me. Sometimes, it’s kinda cute. But mostly, I’m thinkin’ she needs a new hobby. Or a new pet. Not a dog. Maybe a hedgehog. Or a llama.
I hear about how much she loves my chunky little legs, but then she immediately bemoans the fact that nobody thinks her chunky legs are cute. She’s just pitiful sometimes.
I love when she takes me on walks through the forest (usually on Mondays), or plays with me and my toys until I drop, but her ulterior motive is just to fixate on my darling little pink tongue flopping around.
I have no control of this. When I eat my daily swill, I certainly must use my tongue, and since she obsessively perches nearby, hovering, watching me eat, inevitably, I hear her slobbering to me, “ohhhh, looka da coot widdle tung lappy-lappy-lap!”
Gag!
Somebody. Help. Me. Please tell her to get a life! Or just turn the camera around and talk to herself about her own little self. Wouldn’t that be much healthier in the long run?
Nosily,
The Minn
